Someone called me a “romantic.” It had nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.
Earlier that morning, I got into a heated exchange with someone providing me customer service. Her answers are not what bothered me most. Her lack of direct answers bothered me. I asked yes or no questions and she provided answers that did not involve yes or no. Her answers sounded more like theory or philosophy where words drift in the air and fade away without true meaning.
A while back, I sometimes posted Tweets with the hashtag #waronbs or #nomorebs. I’m talking more than politicians, who make statements, get criticism and then claim they need to “clarify” their remarks. Think about it. How many people are truly left who keep it real or tell it like it is?
We live in a world where not returning repeated e-mails or phone calls seems standard. And when people return our phone calls, they often prefer to control the conversation by responding with texts and emails.
When people say something went wrong due to a “miscommunication,” how often do they really mean, “someone screwed up”?
When a friend says she hasn’t returned your message because she’s been swamped, how often does she mean she actually had more important things to do? Let’s keep it real. Even though that friend was busy, I bet she included time to update Facebook or eat lunch, moments she could have called.
At some point in our lives, we are taught telling the full truth is too dicey. Telling your boss the truth might make your job less secure. Telling your customer the facts might sound cold and callous. Telling your friend the reality of the situation might hurt her feelings.
We all know people who pride themselves on being direct and straightforward. Too often, they are the very ones who send texts when the toughest times of truth come calling.
Much of the media, our longtime truth seekers, can’t shoot straight. After another reporter aired a story, I often heard in the newsroom the “real” story. That part never made air.
Email, texts and social media allow spin to thrive. Less often, we are forced to communicate face-to-face, where we might reveal real feelings. Instead, we write well-crafted emails better suited for an English class. We read them over and over. We ask someone else’s opinion. We try to tell someone “off” in the softest, kindest way with a cherry on top. The email ends with “Thank you.” Sometimes I end an email with “thank you” and don’t know why.
So someone called me a “romantic” because I still expect a straight answer. He also told me civility has slipped away in our society. I don’t know. I didn’t live through the 1950s. I can’t compare a range of decades.
I’m not arguing for more conversations with four-letter words. I’m proposing more professional, respectful conversations where we say what we mean and not use words that serve no other purpose than to make people feel better. Do you really believe the public figure needed to “clarify” his words or was “misunderstood”? When your friend claimed he was busy the last six months, did you really believe it?
If you don’t like this blog, I will clarify my remarks later. Thank you.